IAAD VII: EYE OF THE NEEDLE DIARY
Week 7
Monday February 24 2025
5:30pm
“Assume a Virtue, if you have it not.” – William Shakespeare, Macbeth
“Fake it ‘til you make it.” – Startup company founders with big ambitions, everywhere
‘Ol Bill was the more eloquent.
Having completed my review of the Seven Themes at the end of last week, I allowed myself to ponder the next phase at my leisure over the weekend. To be honest, I already knew what it was, because I knew I had been avoiding it. So there is an element of resignation in this step. So far I have been frequently touching on The Guitarist Inside, but only fleetingly. And as soon as some guitar challenge gets my attention it gets left behind. I know how to tackle guitar challenges. The challenges of The Guitarist Inside, not so much. Plus, tackling guitar challenges is fun.
I recognize that there are a couple of things holding me back.
The first has to do with the nature of the task itself.
The Hands. I get this one. The state of my guitar playing is what it is. I’m pretty clear about where my technical strengths and limitations lie. And I have had a lot of practice in addressing them. So the part of the practice of The Guitarist Inside that involves Sensation and bringing a part of our attention to this or that is the part I have the most experience with. I have no illusions about how easily distracted I am, especially when the guitar part I’m playing requires a lot of attention. But when I’m successful I recognize and know it.
If the task is simple – bringing part of my attention to the soles of my feet while I play through a piece of music, for example – I have a pretty reasonable shot at success.
The Head. If the task involves moving the attentions through a particular sequence of limbs or points, in a way that moves with the music – the Rotation of Limbs as it is applied formally to Eye of the Needle, for instance – I can find success. I can apply the 60-point Exercise to a piece of music I’m playing, as long as I predetermine how often I will move; a certain number of bars for each point, say. With a little practice. The movement of attention in combination with the musical element of time always has at least a chance before I doze off.
Where I really fall short is in applying these organized patterns improvisationally. “Hey, let’s circulate, and move through the rotation of limbs each time my note comes around.” I can sort of do it, but my note selection and playing go to hell.
The Heart. So, when we add this element, I’m toast. All those years ago when I was first formally introduced to work with Sensation, it took time and practice for me to learn to recognize the difference between “bring a part of your attention to the sensation in your right hand,” and, “think about your right hand.” In the same way, to this day when I am asked to “hold the feeling of Wish,” I am pretty sure I’m just thinking about Wish, or about some idea I have about what something called Wish might be. Or worse yet, what some word, Wish, might even mean.
Certain feelings I have at least a grip on. Gratitude is one I can access pretty well. But most of the time what I’m doing is substituting some kind of trite affirmation for the actual feeling of the Feeling.
And pretty much whatever impression of feeling a Feeling I employ when engaged in The Guitarist Inside, I very quickly lose any connection to Sensation, and/or my playing goes off the rails.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Up and out of bed intentionally early. Morning routine, coffee, to the guitar.
While I really am happy with the progress in my playing since the project began, I’m determined that for this next phase (which may last to the end of the project) will be centered on The Guitarist Inside. Much as I’d rather just practice pieces.
On with the metronome, and 45 minutes of calisthenics. Roughly based on material from the themes, but keeping them simple and achievable enough that I can have at least a little free attention for something else. To these I brought some of the options for work with Sensation. A little limb rotation. A little 60-points. But largely worked with the Circle of Sensation. It’s an interesting one. Deceptively difficult, since it is about Sensation in Motion rather than focusing on a series of points. It’s movement, sometime connected the breathing, but not always. And not metronomically tied to the tempo of the music the music I’m playing. Tough for me. But at least it’s something that I can practice.
For the final 15 minutes I brought it back to Eye of the Needle, replacing the Limb Rotation with the Circle of Sensation as I played through each of the parts. Letting go of the rotation was surprisingly difficult since it has been woven into my playing of the piece for so long.
This strikes me as a good model for my practice for the next little while.
Tuesday February 25 2025
11:00am
Settling into this “early to rise” groove. Didn’t need to rely on my clock. Up for the morning routine. Still darkish out, but noticeably more predawn light than even a week ago. Lots of wind last night and this morning. As I was sitting it occasionally sounded like a freight train going by my window.
To the guitar. More or less a repeat of yesterday. 45 minutes of solid calisthenic work, but nothing terribly complex. In addition to the cross-picking exercises that have been part of my daily routine lately, I put in some solid time with both the first and second primaries. The idea is to keep the guitaring simple enough that I can be consistent about keeping the focus on practicing elements of The Guitarist Inside, preferably without my guitar playing going totally to hell.
The 60-point exercise along with the second primary was pretty functional, except that even on my best day there are sections where I tend to doze off or lose track. I’m also not completely clear about whether or not locking the progression of the 60 points to a metronomic tempo is the way to go. It’s handy, because it kind of becomes a musical exercise and I know how to do musical exercises. But when practiced as part of the morning sitting, the timing is less strict. “Two or three breaths” was the instruction I was given for how long to pause on each point, so there is a more organic “rhythm” to movement of attention. It would be a very interesting kind of division of attention to be playing music that needs to be in time while doing this inner work in an non-directly-related mode of time, simultaneously. I wonder if it’s even possible.
Also worked with the Circulation of Sensation. This one is also associated with the breathing cadence rather than a hard count. But it is a continuous movement rather than hitting a sequence of marks, so that makes it a little less daunting.
Not that I’m even vaguely successful at any of it, other than in small flashes.
At one point I simply stopped playing guitar and worked on this movement through the body on its own, and then adding the guitar back in to an exercise that was already in motion. Kind of reversing the way I usually approach it. This feels promising.
I have a document in which I’ve collected all of the references to The Guitarist Inside from Robert’s book. It also includes something I wrote down right after coming out of a meeting with him in Tepoztlán in 2015. It is a list of nine particular exercises that can be used as part of this practice, and I go back to it often. The list is not strictly sequential, but it does include a short series of practices that are additive; do this, now to that add this, and so on.
I took a moment to pull up the document and refresh my memory, because I recalled that it began with the Circulation of Sensation and then added holding wish in the breast, I wanted to double-check. The document is in my words, not Robert’s, as I was recapitulating a discussion for some future purpose. Maybe this.
The question of what is Wish, and how do I tell the difference between Wish and merely the idea of Wish?
As with yesterday I completed the hour by playing Eye of the Needle through 4 times; G1, G3, G2, G4.
Practicing the Circulation of Sensation with each, it is still strange to dislodge this piece, albeit temporarily, from the Limb Rotation. During the second time through – playing Guitar 3, aka “the burbles” – specifically in the long F# section, as I struggled to have a little continuity with the movement of sensation while executing the part as well as I am able, I had some small sense of “something” in the center of my chest. It was fleeting, but not imaginary. Pretty sure I actually chased it away by thinking about it, which is a pretty good way to remove myself from the experience. Attempts to find it again didn’t yield much, and I heard myself writing off what I thought might be the reappearance of the “something” as wishful thinking.
Pausing a moment to complete my practice, the term “wishful thinking” came back to me. I kind chuckled at the thought that the path to Wish might begin by wishing for a wish.
Had time for a quick breakfast before the arrival of my 9am student.
Wednesday February 26 2025
10:30am
Resistance day, evidently. The petulant child is in ascendance.
No morning students, so I let myself sleep in just a little. That was the first sign, I suppose. Still, kind of nice to not get out of bed in total darkness.
Picking up a little from yesterday, during the Exercise of Contact at a Distance at the end of my sitting I elected to practice the Circulation of Sensation. Perhaps practicing the combination of these two without the guitar might set something in motion that I could carry into guitar practice. As I got up from my chair to head for the kitchen I thought to myself that the “good wishes” I was sending out to the IAAD team kind of reeked of a Hallmark greeting card. The second sign.
While making coffee I had to admit to myself that I was experiencing a minor state of dissatisfaction. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to get up in the morning, or that I didn’t want to honor my commitment to the sitting, or that I didn’t want to practice guitar, although my enthusiasm was definitely minimal. It was more along the lines of, “Why the hell are you doing this? You’re a 72-year-old man with almost no responsibilities. You could do whatever you feel like, and no one would know the difference.”
To the guitar anyway.
Logged into the Practice Room, which I realized I had forgotten to do yesterday. Patrick was there. Neither of us had our cameras on, we didn’t speak or message. Just nice to know he was there.
Sat quietly for a couple of moments to reconnect with the Circulation of Sensation. Much like yesterday, mostly very straightforward calisthenics today. 15 minutes of Second Primary-ish work. About that time Patrick departed. 15 minutes of the First Primary. All the while moving through the circulation, coordinated with the cadence of my breath. Once again noticed the challenge of the guitar playing moving in time with the metronome while my attention is moving at an utterly unrelated and far more organic tempo. My attention wanders. I haul it back. It wanders again. Seems like that never ends. Now I’m getting positively grumpy.
Moved into 15 minutes of arpeggio work, which increases the complexity, which demands a little more attention, which means my attention for the inner work is stretched even thinner. And I have to admit that I’m not doing a very good job of either task. The “Why are you doing this?” voice is back.
As with yesterday, I closed the hour by playing through Eye of the Needle 4 times, once on each part. Decided to go with the limb rotation for this. Today’s order was G4-G1-G2-G3.
During the second run-through, the basic lead, something remarkable happened. My zoom screen is basically black, with a little color picture of me in the center and a little bit of color across the top and bottom where the controls are. And I’m not looking at the screen anyway, other than occasionally turning my head to check to see if anyone has entered the room. My eyes are closed, or nearly so, when there is suddenly a very bright flash of white. It is genuinely startling. I manage to continue playing the piece, but I look at the screen and see that zoom is gone, and there is a message saying that the event ended after 40 minutes. This makes no sense. For one thing, there is no time limit on these. And for another, it has been longer than 40 minutes since I logged in. The message disappears.
At this point I my left hand leaps up to the second D Minor of the piece, heading into the final stretch, and I realize with more than a little alarm that I have absolutely no memory of playing through the previous 16 bars, maybe more.
Completed it, continued on to the final 2 run-throughs, all in a bit of a state.
Thursday February 27 2025
10:20am
Actually forgot to set my alarm before I went to bed last night. Still awoke promptly at 6am, which has been my target of late. With a 9am Zoom lesson in the calendar this gave me just enough time to take care of my morning routine, get in my hour of practice, and have a little breakfast, before getting down to my professional commitments for the day.
Signed into the Practice Room, where I was alone. Decided to turn my camera on, if only to see how that experience compared to my usual camera-off mode. It’s a little disconcerting, to be honest. I don’t stare at my computer when I’m practicing, but the occasional glance in that direction I did find a little startling.
The focus for today was to be pretty straight skills work. I had worked with the Circulation of Sensation while doing the at-a-distance portion of my sitting. And here again before launching into practice I paused for a couple of minutes, with the aim of engaging with sensation, and the hope that I could carry at least the flavor of that with me into my practice.
I have a possible gig in a few weeks that will likely involve performing Asturias, and as it is a piece that utilizes the same cross-picking skills as I’ve been working with for the IAAD it made sense to use it as material for today’s practice. Generic Second Primary warm-up for a couple of minutes at a gentle pace, moving into the specific string combination required for the D minor 5/4 section, still on open strings.
With that established, I moved into 45 minutes of practice on that section, melody and picking pattern, but minus the planted pinky note – not something I wanted to hold for an exercise in endurance. Every 5 minutes I cranked the tempo up a notch. Even though I have a metronome app that can be set to any tempo I choose, for some reason I still go to the standard tempo notches from a traditional metronome. I don’t know why.
At the 30-minute point, Patrick entered the room, camera off. Interesting, the feeling that I might be being watched. Toyed with the idea of turning my camera off, but decided to ride it out.
With about 10 minutes to go in my hour, as I was wrapping up the Asturias work at what for me was a pretty brisk tempo, Kim entered the room as well. She had her camera on. She was slightly obscured by the icon for my metronome app. But I could mostly see her and her mandolin, and I let things stand.
Once again, ended the hour with Eye of the Needle, four times. Today was G4-G1-G2-G3. With all of that fast and relentless right hand warm-up, kind of funny to suddenly be playing a part with long notes played with the thumb, short phrases, and lots of rests. My warm-up had moved outside of EotN performance tempo, so playing the lead parts had a nice easy feel, like slowing down and relaxing into the parts. I still can’t play Guitar 2 for beans.
Signed off, and moved into my day.
Friday February 28 2025
9:30am
Office day at Golden Music Enterprises. So no students.
Up early, but not as early as usual. Morning routine. Made a cup of coffee and headed to the guitar.
Fired up the Practice Room, camera on. Took a few moments to get the Circulation of Sensation in motion. Peter entered the room, also with camera on. The first 30 minutes or so was entirely about chops. Still in Asturias mode, today I focused on the 3-string “twinkle” cross-picking form. Open strings at first, and later the actual tone clusters. Accelerating the tempo at intervals. Not sure what performance tempo is going to be, but I’m not there yet. And working in the grey area just above my tempo comfort zone is profoundly unsatisfying. Necessary, but no fun.
At one of the pauses to adjust the metronome I grabbed a sip of my coffee. It was nearly cold. It occurred to me that this happens every day. Maybe not the best plan to bring a cup of coffee into the practice hour.
For the past couple of days I’ve been noticing that playing the Eye of the Needle bass part out of context is really tough. The Intro especially, but really the whole thing. So I keep making mental notes to practice counting it. And today I remembered I had made mental notes. So I put on the metronome and worked for a while with counting. Many years ago I made a project out of being able to play the bass Intro while counting in 13/4. It’s tough. The other parts are all moto perpetuos, so counting with the slow quarter note pulse is easy for me. But the timing of the bass line against that pulse is really tough, and even when I was well practiced and could do it, I really didn’t see the value in it, musically. However, when counting it as 13/8, while maintaining the quarter note pulse in the body, makes all kinds of sense to me. I totally feel the on-off-on-off-off-off-on-off-on rhythm, and the line suddenly makes musical sense. So this is what I’ve adopted, even when playing the leads.
So I spent the next segment of my practice hour playing and counting the bass Intro and Midtro parts with the metronome while counting. Felt it begin to settle in.
About this time Peter departed, and almost immediately Patrick checked in, camera off.
And as has been my practice this week, ended the hour with a run through of each of the four parts of Eye of the Needle. G4-G1-G2-G3, all while counting out loud. It turns out the choice to count the 13s as 13/8 adds the extra challenge of changing the count cadence in and out of quarters and eighths. Hadn’t anticipated that one. By the time I was going through the 4th rendition that challenge had been remedied, but it surprised me a little.
Before wrapping up the practice, I played through the bass part one more time, with the count. One of the things I noticed about my first time through was that I was neglecting the precision of the release of the bass notes, and that’s kind of important. It’s not something that happens in performance, but evidently adding the audible count was just enough of an attention drain that not only had I been inaccurate the first time, but I didn’t realize that I was neglecting this detail until after I played the part and was reflecting on how it had gone.
So, one more time through the bass part. A few moments of stillness. A wave to Patrick’s avatar, out of the room and into my day.
10:54am
Happened to glance at the clock and saw “10:54”. Noting that 24 years ago at this very moment the earth under Seattle moved alarmingly, and simultaneously BootlegTV came to an end.
Saturday March 1 2025
Mental health day. More like mental health 36 hours, since I declared it last evening.
No IAAD music. Instead figured out a really cool Pops Staples groove last night. Then “Boom!”, the documentary about the Sonics. Today, a fantastic podcast about Alex Chilton, which naturally resulted in Big Star ringing through the apartment the rest of the day.
Hadn’t planned on attending the House Meeting, but that felt like a bridge too far. Very glad I went.
Sunday March 2 2025
IAAD – day off
SGC – morning on
ONWARD TO WEEK 8, AND OUT OF THE MIDDLE
